i just google imaged poop.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
