my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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