I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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