She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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