I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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