I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
