As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We just shotgunned beers for America
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
