even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
