He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
