That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
