Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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