I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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