nut hugger
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
