A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
