I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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