I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
