Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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