i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
