The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
MIDGETS
????
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
