I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wrigley field is MILF paradise
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
