he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
