guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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