I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do herpes really smell.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
