did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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