I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did I show you my penis last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
