No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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