Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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