he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
