I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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