Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
