6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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