as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
