Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
50% drunk capacity currently
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
