My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
