The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
