so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
