Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
whose parrot is this?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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