I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I love having hate sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
