I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
