I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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