Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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