my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
