no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
