I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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