i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
