Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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