I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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