I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
