I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
