i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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