Tell her she can't have a vagina
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
