when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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