Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
