another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
