They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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