Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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