Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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